Tag Archives: equinox

On The Cusp

Summer is officially coming to an end tonight. I let the fact sink in and notice a little bit of sadness. Somehow this summer was very precious because it was so different. It not only gave my body time to recover but also allowed grief that was still in my heart to finally move through and made it so clear what changes still needed to be made.

There are dishes in the sink waiting to be washed but just for this moment I pause and remember. It feels important to acknowledge the changing of the season and express appreciation and gratitude for the many gifts of this summer: the opportunity to rest and be still, the quiet solitude, the fruits, veggies and the flowers from the garden, witnessing the sun rise, just breathing, deeply taking in the smells, the sounds, the shooting stars, the colours and the unique beauty of summer. Nature took care of me and taught me how to take care of myself by following my own rhythm and to listen.

Photo by Michelle Venne

Today squirrel knocked on my window – literally! It had never done this before even though we had a few discussions about throwing pinecones at me when I am walking beneath the large pine or digging holes in the middle of the path to my cabin.

Hearing the strange knock on the window this afternoon I drew back the curtain just in time to watch something leap off the windowsill onto the deck. I expected it to be a bird and was surprised to see the squirrel instead. Once it had my full attention it talked quite excitedly while moving along the edge of the deck, stopping every few steps as if it wanted to show me something important.

I thought I had learned to listen. Yet when the squirrel asked me to follow it today, I chose not to go. Reflecting back on it now I see that none of the reasons for not going were good enough to miss taking in the fullness of this last day of summer and receiving whatever the squirrel was trying to show me. I wonder now what I may have missed…

One late evening this summer as it was getting dark I got the clear instructions to go down to the water. I was feeling very tired, but I hiked down to the ocean anyways and I am so glad I did. It was profound to get such detailed information where to stand, how to connect with a whale who was resting in the distance through sending messages from my heart to his, breathing together and then having to hurry all of sudden to a certain outcrop of rocks which was not easy to do in the dark. I found myself standing at the edge of the water just in time to witness a pod of dolphins swimming by lit up by the bioluminescence in the water. I will never forget the sound they made nor the magic of seeing them gracefully gliding through the water like fiery arrows with sparkling light everywhere. It felt like the sound and light was moving right through me. In that moment it was so clear that there is no limitations of what we can manifest.

So glad I decided to leave the dishes for now and dig a little deeper. I had completely forgotten about the incident with the squirrel until I stood out on the deck after dinner tonight enjoying the feel of the rain on my face and feeling my socks grow heavy from the moisture.

Feeling grateful and excited about welcoming in the new season I intend to apologize to the squirrel in the morning for not listening and following its invitation. Still I keep on learning…

Gentle Equinox Blessings to you!

Messengers

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It couldn’t be a more beautiful beginning of Fall. I woke up this morning just after the official time of the Equinox which was 7:21 am here on the Pacific Coast. The sun was just rising over the tree tops and I was noting to myself the place where due East is. Somehow this knowing seemed important. The morning has turned into a picture perfect day with amazing sunshine and warmth. Even the hummingbird visited the fuchsia on our deck when I was writing in my journal. It stayed for a long time checking out each bloom carefully, then coming over to see what I was doing. I was glad for the sweet interruption taking me away from my meditation on the inner discomfort I was feeling. The perfect calm and serene picture of our beautiful bay before me did not mirror what was going on inside of me.

Tomorrow I will be attending my first workshop at Hollyhock, a retreat centre here on Cortes Island. The workshop is called “Dance of Oneness: Dance Your Passion!” led by Banafsheh Sayyad. I am excited, curious and a little bit apprehensive, but mostly looking forward to immersing myself in a lot of things that I love: sacred dance, sacred poetry, meditation and chanting. It can’t really get much better.

As I look more closely at the discomfort I notice the familiar fear of the Unknown.  Perhaps that is what has been disturbing me. It is not so much the unknown of being in a group of strangers or what we will be asked to do like dancing in front of each other, which would have been unthinkable a few years ago, but this is more a fear of the unknown inside of me: what is my passion? Will I be able to get in touch with it and embody it, give it a true expression, without holding back? What else will be revealed in this process and will I allow myself to see it and be seen? Will I be able to let go of the”I”, and truly dance in Oneness? Dancing has been an incredible vehicle for me to let go of fears, let go of beliefs in me that stop me from freely expressing who I am, and a way to step out of my own way and let the divine express through me. I haven’t danced like that in a while. I haven’t let go like that in too long.

The other day when I went kayaking with my partner we came across these beautiful birds on the shoreline. Something other than wanting to get a good picture drew me closer. To my astonishment these birds did not move away. They sat there in stillness watching me and they did not appear to be afraid. kayak5

They looked at me with their beautiful dark eyes even when I was just a metre away from them. This experience stayed with me for a long time afterward. We discovered in a bird book that they are called Black Turnstone. The information about them was interesting, but it was not what stayed with me. Whatever I had seen in the dark pool of their eyes stayed present with me long after the kayak ride, and suddenly I knew what I had seen there and what had touched me so deeply: Trust! Deep trust was reflected in their eyes and the moment I got that, I started to remember…

I remembered the many times in my life when I had been able to take that leap of faith into the Unknown despite huge fears, by trusting. I remembered when I immigrated to Canada at the age of 18 leaving my family and the safety I had known behind, this moment of trust when I said Goodbye to my parents and the life I had known. As a dear friend reminded me this week there have been a number of moments in my life where I had to trust and let go. I can’t even say that I really know what I was trusting: life? myself? something bigger than me? All I know is that trust is what ultimately let me jump of the edge into the Unknown despite all the voices of fear. These little beautiful birds were the messengers asking me once again to trust in whatever will unfold and to trust in the perfection of it all and let the dance of life unfold in its mystery…

 

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~Photos by Dancing Wolf