Heart Journey

 

Heart Rock on Hawaii – photo by Elke

I have decided to do something different today. Instead of thinking about an idea for a new blog post and then letting my mind take the lead I close my eyes, put my hand on my heart and tune in, asking my heart  “what should I write about today?” For a moment there is stillness, then I receive the words: “The heart knows!”

As I sit with that in wonder, I return my focus on my heart and feel a joyful response inside, a tingling, an opening. It is a familiar feeling. Over the years my focus has become more and more on my heart and letting it guide me. I remember years ago starting to ask myself “What would love do here?” when I didn’t know how to respond to a situation or I felt stuck. The moment I asked the question I knew that I didn’t want to respond in my usual way anymore, which often led me to more separation and clearly not what I wanted. The answer to the question “What would love do or say now?” was always readily available, but was often met with much resistance. It usually involved me having to do or say something that was hard for me to do and showing my vulnerability. But those times I was able to do that, I was always so glad, that I did. At some point I recognized that I was choosing to be on a path of love. And little signs along the way confirmed I was on the right path for me. These signs are everywhere like in the bottom of my tea cup or finding a perfect heart shape on the inside of the lid when I opened a yoghurt container. I love these delightful surprises.

Surprise! – photo by Elke

Life has led me to different experiences, different relationships, different places to live. Now looking back I see how all of these experiences have taught me so much about love, about opening my heart, listening to others with compassion and giving and receiving love much more freely and openly. Slowly but surely I learned to love what I had feared or had been so uncomfortable with. As I immersed myself in work with people that I would have previously avoided like people who are homeless, the mentally ill, the ones addicted to drugs, I felt myself change. My heart felt like it was expanding. But really I was just learning to open my heart little by little. Another profound heart opening experience was working with people with severe disabilities. It is such a joy to let go of awkwardness and fear and open up to the kind of  connection that is possible with an open heart.

Yes, my heart has led me to just the right places and people. It showed me where I needed to open my heart and brought me just the right situations to break through fears and conditioning. The more I opened my heart, the more love came into my life and still does. And the most beautiful thing that I learned is that I can trust my heart. It truly does know!

Seeds of Love – photo by Elke

 

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Reflection

Well, it’s not leaving me alone!

I simply must write. I don’t know exactly why or what, but the deep urging of writing sooner or later gets to me. It is so interesting to watch my strategies of avoidance anything from opening the fridge numerous times and not finding anything satisfactory to looking at a stack of books, none of which holds my attention for more than a few minutes to many other distractions that go nowhere.

It’s like I am trying to run away from my Self, which seems utterly impossible. So here I am again, once again immersing myself in the process of Creativity: from not knowing what to write, to letting go, letting flow and letting the words come naturally without constraint or judgement. The moment I do this, I feel like I am coming home. I stop worrying and let the deep pleasure of writing take me where it needs to take me.

Looking back at to my first blog “Springblossoms” and how long it was in the making, how  difficult that process was for me and how unnerving it was to press the publish button. Followed by a moment of joy “I did it!” to instant fears “What have I done?”. Yet also acknowledging despite the fears that this is something I need to do and want to do. I wonder if it will continue to be so challenging for me. Every time I overcome my fears and press that publish button, I recommit to the journey that I am on and also to the creativity inside of me that wants to be expressed.

For the last month or so I was distracting myself with wanting to start a new hobby: Weaving. I got numerous books from the library, talked to weavers, researched looms… spending lot’s and lot’s of time and thoughts around “Should I get into weaving?” Every time I reflected upon what was drawing me to weaving, what showed up was the weaving of words into a beautiful tapestry that brings meaning and inspiration to others on their journey through life.

So today I surrender to the creative urge and allow it to be what it is, rather than get stuck in the stuckness of fears and conditioning. Feeling a deep sense of gratitude to all the little prompts I receive along the way pointing me to what I love….and dropping into the joy of creating.